February 17th, 2008 - By kbx81

so i felt like it would be a good time to write a review of sorts about the show last night.

it was awesome. the first two bands (music hall, pawners’ society) were pretty mellow and consequently when charlie got up there the shift in style was pretty dramatic. i really like his new album and hearing it played that loud made me happy. my end of the show went perfectly as well and i was quite pleased with it as a result. overall i think it was a great experience. according to a report charlie got from the venue, there were over 150 people there for the show. that alone was pretty sweet. i really hope there will be a lot more shows to come!

the trouble is, now that it’s over, i’ve found myself in a weird place. you get used to the anxiety, the planning, etc. now it’s gone and i’m (somewhat unexpectedly) finding myself pretty whacked again…stuck in a weird place i guess. i want to talk about stuff but i can’t, generally because the people that want to know what’s up don’t want to hear what i have to say. i hate this state. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. ugh…why do i do this shit to myself? it’s very unfair and self-destructive. i wish things could be simple. i like it better that way…i like it so much better that way. i’m too good at driving people close to me nuts when i’m like this and it sucks because it usually ends up pissing people off. in fact, i started to do something tonight that was really bad but i caught myself and stopped, even though i think it was too late by then. but at least i tried. it makes me just want to leave and go some place where i don’t have to worry about what other people think about everything. or better yet, go where there is nobody. i do better on my own it seems; i’m more stable and sane. i think the funny part of all this is that i don’t even really know how it happens. it just does. and lately i’ve been putting more restraints on myself to keep it more locked in and less visible because of the effects. i don’t think that’s good either. before you know it, i’ll explode and die! hahahahaha!

often i really, really think that the people around me do NOT want me to enter any kind of a relationship with anyone. ever. friends and family alike. and i think i know why – and there isn’t just one reason, either.

this lighting stuff grounds me. i want to do more but it’s a bit exhausting. i like it a lot though. oh what to do?

i have to go to work tomorrow. i think i have a lot to do, so i’ll probably be there for a few hours. i hope i can find something to do afterwards that will cheer me up. it might happen. but really, there’s only one thing that can cheer me up. and until that happens, it looks like there will continue to be posts like this one. soz.


2 Responses to “don’t forget, that’s a sin”

  1. man, san fran.

  2. shit yeah. shit yeah.

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