March 3rd, 2008 - By kbx81

I’ve been feeling better the last few days. I don’t care if you don’t care, I just thought I’d put that out there. I REALLY apologize if I’ve been a downer over the last couple weeks. I had (knowingly) positioned myself in a bad place emotionally and I’ve been working very hard to get over it. I’m still down in the back of my mind but in general I’m over it (for now) I think. I have little doubt that a similar situation will surface within the next few months and I’ll trudge through this all over AGAIN. Sorry for bitching but this is my place to bitch so I’ll do it if I feel like it. I do, however, want to thank my friends for all the support. I have the fucking coolest friends ever. No shit. You know who you are.

It has surfaced repeatedly before that nice guys finish last. Additional evidence has further reinforced this. It’s the story of my life it seems. I’ll spare you the mundane details; I think I’m going to stop being quite so nice to people in general…except when/where I absolutely need to be. I know I’ve said this before but I’m seriously going to follow through this time. All I need is a little change of attitude. That should do the trick nicely. I’ll provide an example here, now: I’m not offering anything anymore. You’ll need to ask…or even pry. I have plenty to offer and I fucking know it. If you want shit in this world you need to take it…and I haven’t been taking. But I can start taking by being a little less giving. Shhhhhhhh quiet, it makes sense in my mind here now. This life is like a big experiment to me…except that most of the time I feel like I’m surrounded by a bunch of zombies. They don’t react until I freak out; then they’re all over me–which is cool–but I think I need more attention than that. Shit. Maybe I’m becoming an attention whore. WTF? This doesn’t make much sense to me anymore. Whatever. Let’s just make an adjustment and see what happens this time. Anyway, I’m going to shut up before I dig myself in any deeper. So now, quiet…for a while…

Now you talk to me.


One Response to “It’s an illusion, I don’t care”

  1. that’s raw. and on top of it. i bet you did a wordpress update.

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